The Power of Motivational Interviewing… for YOU: Introducing MI ME
As leaders, coaches, and individuals on a journey of self-improvement, we often spend so much time focusing on how we help others that we neglect the most important person in the equation: ourselves.
In my work, I’ve realized that one of the most impactful ways to foster personal growth is by applying Motivational Interviewing (MI) — a technique often used in counseling and coaching — to our own lives. I like to call it MI ME: a method of self-reflection that’s grounded in curiosity, compassion, kindness, trauma responsiveness and emotional intelligence.
MI ME isn’t about pushing yourself to be perfect or forcing growth. It’s about unlocking the emotional intelligence needed to navigate your inner world — your desires, your fears, your blocks, and ultimately, your potential.
What is MI ME?
Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a powerful technique that helps others explore their motivations, desires, and barriers to change. It’s often used in therapy and coaching, but I believe it’s a method we can apply to ourselves, especially when we’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed.
One of the most impactful ways to start the journey toward growth is by asking the right questions—questions that help uncover the underlying truths about your desires, fears, and the path ahead. The MI ME approach is a self-compassionate, kind way of being with yourself. Motivational Interviewing (MI) and a term I like to use is MI ME when I am using MI with ME.
MI ME is about asking the right questions of yourself, just as a coach or therapist would guide you through a process of exploration. It’s a way of having a compassionate conversation with your inner critic, your doubts, and your fear. Instead of shutting yourself down, you learn to listen, understand, get curious, and move forward — one thoughtful step at a time,
The Link Between MI ME and Emotional Intelligence
At the heart of emotional intelligence is the ability to be self-aware, to understand and manage your emotions, and to respond with empathy and self-regulation. When you use MI ME, you’re tapping into all three of those emotional intelligence pillars:
Self-awareness: MI ME helps you identify what’s really going on beneath the surface. Are you feeling fear, frustration, or doubt? MI ME helps you pinpoint those emotions without judgment.
Self-regulation: By engaging with your emotions rather than suppressing them, MI ME supports you in managing your emotional responses. It’s not about avoiding difficult feelings, but about learning to move through them with compassion and clarity. Your superpower to remain calm and at peace despite the storms raging all around!
Compassion/Empathy for Self: It’s crucial to offer yourself the same compassion that you would to a friend or colleague. When you listen to your inner dialogue with curiosity and compassion, you’re more likely to make decisions that align with your true values and goals.
Trauma Responsiveness: The Cost of Self-Rejection
Here’s the thing: When we reject ourselves, when we are harsh or overly critical, we trigger our trauma responses — even if we don't realize it. Self-rejection creates an internal stress response, sending us into fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode. It’s impossible to thrive in a state of constant stress. Our decision making, wisdom, and empathy are severely compromised in this state.
What does self-rejection look like or sound like?
Self-rejection is a barrier to your Self-worth. Self-rejection often sounds like, “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve this,” or “Who am I to think I can succeed?” Something I wrote about in an earlier blog, on Imposter Syndrome (Ardner 2024). These thoughts can be so subtle that we don’t even realize how deeply they undermine our self-worth. When we reject ourselves, we reinforce the belief that we need to earn love, success, or acceptance, rather than acknowledging that we are already worthy of these things. We were born as a person of infinite worth and value. It is unconditional positive regard for myself. Using trauma responsiveness and motivational interviewing on myself has been a game-changer in breaking these cycles.
Four MI ME Open Ended Questions for Self-Reflection and Growth
1.What strengths and values are important to me right now?
This question helps me reconnect with my core values and the inner strengths that drive me. By identifying these, I can align my decisions and actions with what truly matters to me.
2. How would I treat a friend who felt this way?
When I’m feeling self-doubt or resistance, this question allows me to step outside of myself and show the same compassion I would to someone I care about. It reminds me to be gentle and patient with myself.
3. What’s strong vs. what’s wrong? (Frey, Hall & Miller, 2021)
My MINT friends (and 2018 TNT Trainers) Ali Hall and Jen Frey influenced me to begin to think through this lens. This question helps me focus on what’s working and where I’m already succeeding, rather than fixating on perceived shortcomings. It shifts my mindset from problem-solving to strength-building.
4. What would change if I took action?
This helps me overcome paralysis by fear or doubt. By imagining the possible outcomes and taking small, intentional steps forward, I can shift from inaction to progress and build momentum toward my goals.
Using these questions alongside affirmations like “I am worthy, no matter the outcome” and reflecting on growth—*“Even if things don’t go perfectly, I am learning and evolving”—creates space for healing, self-compassion, and actionable growth.
I actually have a list of these with dozens of affirmations I can remind myself of when necessary.
Ultimately, self-rejection is not a reflection of your true value—it’s a barrier to the greatness that’s already inside of you. The more we practice self-reflection, affirmations, and compassion, the more we step into the fullness of our worth.
This is why MI ME is so important. By responding to yourself with understanding, kindness and curiosity instead of judgment, you protect yourself from triggering those trauma responses. You allow yourself the space to heal, to grow, and to move forward with intention.
When we embrace our emotions and engage in MI ME, we’re engaging in trauma-responsive behavior: we’re learning to respond to ourselves with the compassionate care and attention that we need, rather than exacerbating the stress or pain we might be feeling. This is emotional intelligence in action. This is calming the inner child. This is a powerful way to interact with yourself. MI ME.
Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima: A Must-Read for Self-Worth and Growth
Right now, I’m reading a book that I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone on the journey of self-discovery and growth in self-worth: Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima. In this powerful book, Jamie shares her personal journey of overcoming self-doubt and rejection, offering a roadmap to rediscover your inherent worth.
Her story is a testament to the power of embracing your worth, even when the world around you tries to make you feel small. In fact, it was Jamie’s experiences with self-rejection and the barriers she faced in building her business that inspired her to write Worthy.
In the book, Jamie emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance — the idea that you are enough, exactly as you are. It’s about unlearning the limiting beliefs that hold you back, and choosing to step into your greatness, even when fear and self-doubt rear their ugly heads. In fact, reading her book gave me the courage to post this.
Engaging with the MI ME process and embracing the concepts from Worthy isn’t always easy—it requires vulnerability and courage. But it’s through this work that we can finally begin to shed self-doubt and step into our true potential. Lima’s roadmap to worthiness reminds us that we don’t need external validation to prove our worth. It’s already inside us, waiting to be recognized and embraced.
If you’re ready to make this shift, start by answering the four questions from MI ME and reflect on what Lima’s book can teach you about accepting your inherent worth. When you start treating yourself as worthy, you’ll unlock the power to achieve your greatest dreams.
What’s your MI ME moment today?
My MI ME moment today is that I finally had the courage and confidence to write about a topic I’ve been passionate about for years. Despite some trusted friends who challenge my thoughts on MI ME, I feel deeply that this message is something my Father impressed upon my heart, and I felt compelled to share it with you.
What MI ME question will you ask yourself today?
#Purpose4Life #EmotionalIntelligence #MotivationalInterviewing #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift #Worthy #JamieKernLima #TraumaResponsiveness #Leadership #Coaching
References:
Ardner, L. (2024, September). Battling Imposter Syndrome: The power of affirmations for lasting confidence. A Purpose 4 Life, LLC. https://www.apurpose4life.com/blog/battling-imposter-syndrome-with-the-power-of-affirmations
Frey, J., Hall, A., & Miller, W. R. (2021). Motivational interviewing for mental health clinicians: A toolkit for skills enhancement. Pesi Publishing.
Copyright 2025 A Purpose 4 Life, LLC
